I shall have you some day....

Yes, some day you will be mine.

You know that "hobby" I started a few weeks back. Well, lets be honest. The arts and crafts crap is great. But I suck at that stuff. I won't bore you with the details.

I am counting the days until this fine piece of machinery will be mine. And my wallet will be a lot lighter. Still I want it.

Do I sound slightly deranged?

Take It Off Tuesday.. I mean Friday

Wow, the week flew by. It was a super busy and somewhat stressful week. Boy, I am glad that it is over. I am relaxing with an adult beverage and counting the minutes until LC and LP fall asleep. As I am quickly headed by bed myself.

This week, great progress has been made. So what is the secret to my success?

Smiles joined the fight. That's right. We are both trying to see a glimpse of our old selves.... let's just say that Smiles has no where near the fight ahead of him that I do. But I am enjoying the support of my best friend.

As of today, I have dropped 6 lbs. Yipee, only 14 more to go by the big 3-0.

My sit-up challenge is going well. I have put the push-up challenge on-hold. Why? I can't put any weight on my hand since the infamous crash.

This week has been a source of frustration for me on the home front. LC and LP are acting up like you would not believe. This is by far the toughest stage to date. My mom and I took them to the mall tonight and it was pure chaos. I got my work-out in and was drenched in sweat by the time we reached the car. I need Nanny 911. I have lost control.

Just when I think it can't get any worse and I raise my voice... I hear a little voice saying, "sorry, mommy. i give you kiss". Like I have said before it's those brief moments of complete sweetness and those little faces of gold... that make the tough moments melt away. I am lucky to be a mom. Shit, now I am freakin' crying.

Time for bed.

The plight of a working mom

Last night when I got home from work, LC and LP gave me huge hugs. And then LC said to me.

"Mommy, you work too much".

And my heart broke.

As a mother, I am always torn between the demands of motherhood and having a career. Don't get me wrong. If push came to shove, motherhood would win. But there is an internal daily struggle - It's great for them to go to daycare, learn new things, play with other children and experience a little "classroom". But it hurts when they cry as I leave them, wake them up from bed to get them ready in the wee hours of the morning and when they say, "don't go, mommy".

There are so many pros and cons to each side. I know that I would lose my mind being at home all day, every day. Ideally, I would work part-time or have a very flexible schedule (i.e. my own business) - but those gigs are hard to come by and owning a small business is a lot of work.

Until I figure out a solution, I am trapped in a cube farm working long hours and struggling to find balance.

Crash

I have a new name. Its crash and that is what I did this weekend. I fell on my ass several times. I talked my sister-in-law into doing a inline skating half marathon. We showed up at the place, and these people were seriously intense. They were sporting spandex and inline skates that looked nothing like my inline skates. So we started at the back of the pack, and we finished at the back of the pack.

Around ¾ of the way through the course, we had to round a corner and go on a busy and rough road. As I turned, I hit some rough gravel. I ate shit – BIG TIME. Pieces of my pants were shredded and stuck to my skin. My elbow is a big bruise, and my hand hurts. It is possible that I broke a bone in my hand.

But that’s not all. So I got up and finished the race – slow as can be. As we approached the finish, my sister-in-law reminded me about the stupid rubber mats that you have to cross (they cover up the timing equipment). People cheered us with sympathy claps and they watched us cross the finish.

Good thing, she reminded me about the mats – because I ate shit again! And to add insult to injury, the timing equipment beeps as you cross it. And I landed right on the spot…. And it just kept beeping. So I gracefully rolled my big ass out of the way, beep, beep, beep, and beep. Yup, what a freaking nightmare.

Check it off the list.

You fall, you get up. You stuff your face, you stop.

I pigged out today. I mean seriously pigged out. It was a day of weakness. And it was not healthy food. Let's just say that if I were good and had counted the points like I said that I was going to.. I would have doubled my maximum allowed points. The nice thing about a diet (unlike other things in life) is that you can start over the next day.

After all of this gluttony, I had a skinny person tell me that they ate two pancakes. Oh my, they were stuffed. Two pancakes? Isn't that normal? Go eat a cheeseburger please. How do I change my mind set to think that two pancakes is a lot - they better have been big freakin' pancakes.

I was thinking about pitching an idea to the Biggest Loser folks. Can you please accept applications from people who are just plain overweight? I want to go on that show... and win the money. I may have to cut off a few limbs to win. Bad idea.

Life in the Fast Lane

My job is totally stressing me out right now. On top of the stress of work, we have had a flurry of activity on our house. Last night we had 3 showings and tonight we already have 2 scheduled. Being out of the house for an extended period of time takes it's toll on me, smiles and my little stinkers. I am plain tired.

About a week ago, I started this quest to eat super healthy food. And much to my dismay, I have been gaining weight. I mean seriously, WTF? It must be that damn thyroid disorder that I invented.

In my previous life (re: right before the wedding), I joined Weight Watchers. It worked ok for me but I always ended up eating crappy frozen food and other gross stuff because it was easy and the box told me how many points it was. I, of course, got sick and tired of frozen meals with 2,000 ml of sodium. Kind of like when I got sick and tired of drinking Slim Fast shakes.

So knowing this and that I couldn't stick with these plans, I thought that I would just load up on the fresh fruit, veggies, protein, etc. Well, clearly it is not working for me. And I don't want to invest MORE money into another plan.

So I am dusting off the old WW information with a new plan of attack. I am going to eat REAL food and try the old tracking of the points. But I am not going to join - Cause that would go against my plan of saving money.

Anyone on WW? Anyone need some support? I could use some help staying on track without paying for WW meetings.

One more thing - Hey Caribou, I drove past you twice yesterday and once today, and I didn't stop! So Shut the Front Door. In your face! Kiss mine. =) I can't help myself.

Take It Off Tuesday - Reality Check.

Another week has come and gone. And due to some factors outside of my control, I have determined this week to be my free pass.

A few days ago, I had a moment. One of those moments that hits you like a train.

And again last night that moment repeated itself. It was the wake-up call. There have been nudges, thoughts and little reminders for years but this was a wake-up call - Alarms blaring. I am an athlete trapped in an unhealthy body. I feel like Tyra Banks when she dressed up in the fat suit on her show (gasp, I watch that dumb show ... only occasionally).

For fear of judgement, I won't divulge my moment. And I am NOT looking for condolences or excuses.

Have you seen the movie, He Is Just Not That Into You? Well, the movie is ok. Kind of long and drawn out. The basic idea is that we (women) are programed from an early age to think that if a boy hits/teases/pulls your hair he likes you. This mentality carries on into adult life as we keep around guys that really aren't that into us.... and our friends keep telling us positive stories about other relationships and help us make excuses. All to avoid feeling hurt.

Women like to sugar coat reality ~ especially to our friends. We don't like to hurt people's feelings (at least not to their face).

If a guy said to his guy friend, "Dude, I am getting fat". The friend would reply, "yeah, you are ya fat ass".

If a gal said to her girl friend, "I am so fat". The friend would reply, "Oh, no you are not. You are so pretty. You are so blah blah blah".

Just like in the movie, we (women) make excuses, reason bad things into good things, and shield our friends from heart break... all the while, we aren't doing them any favors.

So I am going to keep my moment to myself. Knowing that I truly am unhealthy and unhappy with it.

I think that I am suffering from a bad case of PMS.